Always and Forever?
by spooksfan08
Summary: Post series 4. Kate and Rick still aren't safe. All she wants is to be safe and happy but can they ever have a normal relationship while the threat of the assasin is still there? What about Javi and Ryan? Does Kate Beckett get her happy ever after?
1. Chapter 1

**disclaimer I do not own Castle. No copyright infringement is intended nor should be inferred.**

**Yes, another post Always story!**

_**After Always**_

It was dark when she first opened her eyes. The darkness had once seemed so oppressive that it stopped her in her tracks, causing her to almost catch her breath. A million nightmares accosted her in the dark. A million mistakes came back to haunt her, a million things she shouldn't have said but did. A million things she should have said but different. This darkness was different. Usually the darkness, the nights she couldn't tolerate the silence the night brought would see her in her living room watching some mindless cop show where the bad guys always got their just deserts or out in the bar at the end of her road just drinking and trying to forget. Forget what? Her mom's murder? Her dad's tears, not only at her mom's grave but at the side of her own hospital bed when she had been recovering from the bullet that had almost killed her? The day Roy, her friend, her mentor had died to save her? Or the day Castle asked her to stop. Just stop. For him. Closing her eyes she felt the darkness envelop her. This darkness wasn't like that. The memories that flooded her mind weren't related to everything that had gone wrong, of every past mistake or missed chance. These memories were of chances taken, of the one time her bravery had been to make herself happy.

"Kate?"

"Hi." She turned slightly, her long brown hair falling across her face. Smiling slightly she watched him stand in the doorway.

"You ok?"

"No." He frowned at her admission. He hated it when she was anything less than fine, knowing for her to admit it was more than just her letting off steam. To Kate Beckett the rest of the world had to see that she was ok, even when she was dying inside.

"What is it?" His heart almost stopped in his chest. The look in her eyes almost ripped him apart.

"I'm an idiot."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow trying to work out what was bothering her. He hoped and prayed she wasn't regretting arriving at his door merely hours earlier soaked to the skin.

"I am such an idiot."

"Kate?" He approached her gently.

"I let Gates win. She has wanted rid of me since she started. She knew Roy was in my corner."

"You, Kevin and Javi were always Roy's favourites. I was just along for the ride."

"And what a ride." Kate smiled as he smirked. "Not only that. They are still out there. He got away, and I meant what I said when I told you I didn't care. I still don't but he is still out there."

"He is."

"And he is still going to kill me."

"No."

"Yes." Kate got to her feet. "And now, now you and Alexis, your mom."

"What about us?"

"If he killed Roy Montgomery to get to me then what's to stop him from hurting you? All of you? I should never have come here. You told me you were over. That you couldn't do this anymore."

"I just couldn't watch him kill you." He closed his eyes remembering the day in her apartment when he had finally told her what Roy had done to try to protect her.

"I know." She sighed as she held his gaze. "And I was awful to you. I am sorry for that."

"It doesn't matter now."

"No Castle." She paused. "Rick."

"I prefer Rick." He smiled his best charm smile, trying to work out if she was really walking away from them. If this was it.

"So do I." Kate smiled as his hand came to rest on her waist. The darkness seemed to lift a little. "But."

"But." He held her gaze, urging her to continue but dreading what she was going to say.

"But if you got hurt. If your mom or Alexis." She paused "Because of me, then I could never forgive myself. I'm not a cop anymore. I can't protect you."

"I don't want you to feel you have to. Maybe now they know you aren't in the force anymore?"

"You really think that would matter? I can put a page ad in the New York Times saying I am backing off and they would still want me in the ground. They killed my mom and they want to kill me. I can't have them hurt you."

"I love you."

"Rick."

"I love you." He repeated more firmly, as if he had to try to make her understand the words.

"I know." She smiled slightly. "And I love hearing you say it. But I love you too much to see you get hurt."

"Then don't do this. Don't leave me." He almost whispered as she bit her bottom lip. She shook her head slowly before reaching up and kissing him gently on the lips. His hands tightened on her waist, hers cupped his chin, thumbs gently brushing over his five o clock shadow.

"I. Am. Not. Leaving. You." Her words were punctuated by gentle kisses as his eyes fluttered closed.

"Good."

"Understand something here, Castle." Her words were sharper than she intended. His eyes flew open.

"Kate."

"I am not going anywhere."

"Good."

"I love you too." She smiled as he grinned like a teenage boy on his first date. "But I had a text off Javi this morning. Well, at 3 am actually and a voice mail from Gates."

"Iron Gates? What does she want? How's Javi?"

"Bored. But she wants me back. She wants me to go back to being a detective."

"It's what you are best at."

"Is it?" She sighed heavily. "I dunno anymore. But it would be safer. If I was still a police officer, we'd have a degree of protection."

"What do you want?"

"I think I told you that last night." Kate blushed slightly as he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Apart from me?" He brushed her dark hair away from her face as she tilted her head.

"Us. Safe and if that means I go back to the 12th I will. But only with your blessing."

"We go back to how things were?" His breath caught as she frowned.

"At work, yeah. But outside of work. I need you with me on this. If I do this. If I go back."

"You've got me, Kate." He kissed her gently. "Whatever you decide, you've got me."

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A/N Will she go back? Why would Gates offer her the job back if she had just resigned? What about Javi and Kevin's friendship? What will Alexis say? And can Kate stay alive long enough to find out? Is the road to happy ever after going to be straight forward? May go on with this, if people want me to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer I do not own Castle. Thanks to those that are following the story. I almost gave up because no one has reviewed I didn't think anyone was reading. It'll be three chapters. This is Esposito's take on things.**

**Friends?**

Laine curled her feet up under her as she watched the late night news on the television. She was exhausted but glad to be home, even if today would have been her 1st year anniversary with Javier, had they not broken up. Shaking her head she glanced at the cell phone laying abandoned on the coffee table in front of her._ She would not call him. She would not. But then he hadn't called her either, right?_ She picked up the small phone to check. She realised she hadn't heard from Kate in almost two days either. _That was not like her and Castle finally got out of their holding pattern. _Laine smiled slightly, she hoped she was right. Kate Beckett deserved to be happy. She threw the phone back on the table as a knock at her door startled her from her thoughts. Swearing under her breath she got to her feet.

"Javi?" Laine opened the door wider to allow him into her apartment. "What happened? You look like death."

"Thanks." He smiled slightly.

"Javi? You are scaring me now." He closed his eyes and leant against the wall for a moment.

"Sorry." He swallowed hard, determined not to cry in front of his ex girlfriend. "The last thing I want to do is scare you."

"I know." Laine stepped nearer. "Talk to me."

"Kate resigned. Kevin. Detective Ryan totally betrayed us."

"Kate what?"

"We went after the scum that tried to kill her last year."

"Don't go into details. I was there, remember." Laine could feel herself getting angry. Esposito closed his eyes and swallowed hard.

"Yeah, jeez if you hadn't been." He shook his head. "Anyway Castle warned Kate off. Told her it was too dangerous and left. You'd think that would have made her think but no."

"Kate doesn't back down." Laine stated. "It isn't in her run away from a fight."

"Me neither. But I knew this was big. I mean real big. We all know Captain Montgomery was killed to stop the truth of her mom's murder coming to the surface."

"What?" Laine snapped her attention back to her ex boyfriend, who was clearly mentally drained as well as angry. She knew theat was a bad combination when it came to the detective.

"I've said too much." He paused. "Sorry, I shouldn't have come."

"Yes, you should have come here tonight. Jeez, I don't know what has happened but I sure as hell have never seen you like this. Now get yourself in here and talk to me. We may be finished but we've always been able to talk to each other."

"True." Esposito sighed. "It's just. I thought we were good, you know? Me and Ryan. I thought we had each other's backs."

"Maybe he did."

"How? How can running to the Captain like a kid running to the Principle's office be covering my back? I'm suspended. Me? Suspended."

"Is that why Kate quit?"

"No." He looked her in the eye. "She told me things were much clearer for her now. That she knew what she wanted nad that chasing shadows and half truths was killing her. When Gates took her badge and gun I think it was the last resort for her."

"Is Ryan out too?" Laine rested a hand on his as he sunk into her sofa.

"No." Esposito closed his eyes once more. "He is the golden boy now. The one who followed procedure. I guess I should be grateful he turned up when he did. Kate was hanging off a 50 ft building by her fingertips at the time."

"She was what?" Laine felt her pulse quicken.

"Shouting for Rick." Esposito shook his head. "Maybe that'll tell her what we've all known for the last four years."

"I hope so." Laine looked at their interlocked hands. "It's you I'm more worried about. How long are you suspended for?"

"I have no idea." He caught her eye and smiled slightly. "I may just quit too."

"No." Laine touched his face, forcing him to look at her. "You don't give up because of Gates. Or Ryan. You are a damn fine officer and Gates should be proud to have you on her team. And she should be begging Kate to go back. And as for Ryan. I have half a mind to call him and tell him what he's done."

"I think he knows." Esposito smiled slightly. "It's ok."

"It is not ok."

"I sent Kate a text. Just to check she's ok. Then I came here. I dunno, I just needed to talk to someone."

"I'm glad it was me." Laine smiled at him, some of her righteous indignation abating as she felt him tug on her hand. "But, I can't just do this."

"What?" He frowned slightly.

"Be the one you run to when you need a booty call to take your mind off the problems in your world. I'm worth more."

"I know you are." He held her gaze. "So much more. I am not here for a booty call. You know me, Lainey. I'm sorry I shouldn't have come here."

"No." Laine swallowed hard. "No, not if that was what this was."

"It wasn't. I just needed to see you. As a friend. Seems I'm running out of them at quite a rate these days." He dropped her hand as he got to his feet. Suddenly Laine remembered her words to Kate about holding patterns.

"Don't go."

"What?" Esposito was dumbfounded.

"Don't go." Laine stepped towards him. "I don't want you to leave, is that clear?"

"But."

"Javi." Laine touched his face. "Stay. We'll work it out in the morning. Just please, stay." He nodded once before letting her take his hand and lead him to her spare room.

"Laine?"

"Stay, tonight stay as my friend. Tomorrow we talk about the rest. Ok?"

"Ok." He smiled as she kissed his cheek. He hoped Castle was ok, that Kate had found her way to him. He watched Laine walk to her room and knew that deep down she was right. Things with him and Kevin would work out. He was his best friend, they had to. It was what was next for him and Laine that made him wonder.

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A/N Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer. I do not own Castle. I wish I did! Anyway, thanks for all the reviews. This chapter is more than likely the last. Please review.**

**We Need to Talk.**

It was still dark when Kevin glanced at the clock on his nightstand, relieved that his wife still seemed to be asleep. Jenny was a notoriously light sleeper, as he had found out on returning home from nights out with Castle and Esposito. He closed his eyes as he thought of his friends. He knew that after going to Gates, Kate's resignation, Castle effectively leaving and Javi's suspension there was very little chance there would be anymore nights out. It was over, despite the fact it had been him that had pulled Kate from the side of the building he had killed any form of friendship he may have had with the other detectives. From now on he would be the one that had told tales out of school. The one that had caused Kate to quit and Javi to have a suspension on his record. He had no idea what Castle would have thought of him.

"Honey?"

"Hey." He smiled slightly as he heard Jenny stir next to him. "I didn't want to wake you. Go back to sleep."

"No." Jenny pushed herself up onto her elbow. "Talk to me. You've been wierd for days."

"Work stuff, don't worry about me."

"But I am. You were supposed to go out with the guys last night, instead you are home by 7pm. What happened?"

"None of us wanted to go. It's been a tough week."

"You can trust me." Jenny narrowed her eyes. "Anyway, if you don't tell me Laine will. Or Kate."

"Really?"

"Yes, women tend to talk. And we tend to talk about our men."

"Really?" Kevin raised his eyebrows. "You do? I mean I know you do but everything?"

"Mostly."

"Oh jeez."

"So, spill." Jenny smirked slightly until her husband closed his eyes. Suddenly it was more serious than she had ever thought.

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"Kate?" Castle turned on his side, relieved that she had come back to bed. He had thought she was going to run. To pretend the night had never happened, that she had not come to his apartment, knowing Martha and Alexis were on vacation for a few days. He paused, watching her breathing as the rain battered the windows outside.

"I'll talk to Gates." Kate turned on her side. "See if you can follow one of the guys around."

"I don't want to follow one of the guys. I mean I like them both, even though Ryan did go against you and Javi. But it just wouldn't be the same."

"No?"

"No. Neither of them are as pretty as you for a start."

"Castle."

"Kate."

"I'll talk to Gates about my job. I don't know why she wants me to go back. She didn't seem to be that upset by my leaving." Kate shrugged. "And I'll be honest, I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was like I could be me again. Not Detective Beckett, not the victim of attempted homicide or the daughter of a murder victim. Just me. Katherine Beckett."

"And now?"

"Now." Kate rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. "Now, I just. I don't know."

"No secrets, you told me no more lies." He propped himself up on one arm and smiled at her.

"It's not a secret. I just don't know what it is to be me and not be a detective. Not to be fighting against something for so long. You were right, Rick. I'm never going to be able to get to the bottom of all this. Roy was the closest person to me that was involved in this. He knew and he died trying to stop me from getting killed and they still put a bullet in my chest."

"Kate." His voice was almost inaudible. She held his gaze for a moment, knowing how much her getting in the way of a bullet hurt him.

"No, listen. We talked about this. If I go back you have to know that I am not going to get myself killed. Well, not on purpose."

"Good to know." He smiled at her. "But. I sense a 'but' here."

"But." Kate returned his smile. "I only go back if Javier does. He got suspended because of me. That's a condition I'm going to put to Gates. She wants me, she has my team back too. You and Esposito included."

"Me?"

"Yes, you." She looked at him. "C'mon Castle. The old team?"

"What if Javi doesn't want to? What if he can't work with Kevin again. Or me. He knew I didn't want to pursue this. He didn't know why but Kate. What if they come back at you?"

"They wont."

"They might. You said so yourself, you had more protection as a police officer and they still nearly killed you twice."

"I wont lie to you, Rick." She swallowed. "I didn't care if they killed me. I had nothing to live for." She sighed as he rested a hand on her waist possessively.

"Never say that. Don't you ever say that." His voice turned deadly serious. "You have everything to live for. You always did."

"No." Kate swallowed hard. "No, I didn't. Now I think I have something, someone worth sticking around for." She closed her eyes as he kissed her gently. He pulled back as she opened her eyes.

"What?" He watched as her eyes lit up.

"Definitely got something worth sticking around for."

"Good, because I intend to stick around for a while. I had hoped you did too." He watched as she smirked.

"Oh you know me." She bit her bottom lip. "I'm a one and done kinda girl."

"Good, because I'm not in this for the long haul."

"The long haul?" Kate smiled. "How long would that be, exactly?"

"Oh how about always?" He smiled back at her. "And maybe a little while after."

"Ok, I can deal with that." She kissed him deeply as all thought of the 12th, gunmen and death fell away.

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"Hey." Javi sat up and rubbed his eyes. He knew he hadn't been asleep long. He listened to the caller, momentarily wishing he had looked at the screen on his phone before answering the call.

"Javi."

"Ryan."

"I did what I had to do."

"Still sucks." Javi sulked, aware that he sounded like a teenager.

"I know." He agreed. "Look, you wanna meet up later? Get a beer?"

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A/N I know it's an open ending but I know the real Castle writers will do this so much better.


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